Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Ever since you can remember, you felt something in your chest telling you to move, to love, to speak, to try.
Day after day, you pretend you don't hear it calling. Or maybe you dismiss it as silliness or worse. But it's there, ready for you, and it will wait for you as long as you need.
My name is Johnny G, and I invite you to join me on a journey of awakening as we dare to embrace our light. This is refractive.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Refractive. I'm your host, Johnny G. Today, my guest is Erin Diehl. She is a founder and CEO, author and improv expert, and keynote speaker. Through a series of unrelated dares. Believe it or not, Erin created improve it, a professional development company rooted in improv comedy. It pushes leaders and teams to laugh, learn, play, and grow. She's a proud host of the Improve it podcast, which is a top 1% global podcast. It helps develop leaders and teams through play, improv, and experiential learning. Her book, an Amazon bestseller and top new release, is titled I see you, a leader's guide to energizing your team through radical empathy. She's here today to talk with me about the link between loving myself and living in a loving world. And I'm really happy to have you on here. Erin, thank you for your time.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: I am so excited to be here with you. I already feel a lot of alignment with you, so I am very excited for this conversation, wherever it may go. And I'm here to be of service to your audience. I love your vibes, Johnny. You got great vibes.
[00:01:53] Speaker A: Thank you so much. I don't know if you could tell me. I don't know if you could possibly offer a better, a better pat on the back than that. That really is. That means a lot to me.
[00:02:03] Speaker B: Good. Well, you deserve it. You deserve it. Take it in.
[00:02:05] Speaker A: So I wonder, you know, first of all, when I was doing some research on you and where we have alignment, there's plenty of alignment between the two of us. But when I was doing that research and this idea of loving myself to find access to a more loving world, it just, like, all the lights went on inside of me, I was like, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. This is. This is it. This is it. And I wonder, like, what are your thoughts on this general topic? I mean, has this been something that you've already, that you've already contemplated over your own personal journey? Is this something that you found to be true for yourself?
[00:02:49] Speaker B: I mean, ding, ding, ding. All my lights are going on as you're talking about this. Yeah, I.
So just starting from childhood, let's go way back.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: Let's do it, let's do it.
[00:03:01] Speaker C: Let's go.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Go way, way back.
I moved a lot as a kid, and I was always that new kid trying to fit in, and it would always take a couple years. I moved several times, and then I went to college and I didn't know a single person. So I've always had to readapt. And I think in that time period, I underlyingly did not know, but subconsciously created a belief system that I am not worthy.
[00:03:29] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: And I lived that.
I always had confidence in my. My higher self would come through higher than my ego, but that was still inside of me. Yeah, I'm not worthy. That still laid dormant, and it took a massive healing journey that I went through from about 2017 to 2022. Honestly.
[00:03:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: To get rid of that belief. And now I truly believe that I am worthy. And because I believe it, other people believe it, and because other people believe it, I'm able to impact their lives.
[00:04:16] Speaker C: That is.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Listen, I'm just. I mean, I'm excited as you're talking, because I had almost. Well, I had a very parallel experience to you. I started to do a lot of inner work as a result of twelve step programs. And this really kicked off for me in 2016, and it went until about 2021. So about the same length of time as you, really similar periods. And I have to tell you, this was for my entire adulthood. I knew that I had severe self esteem and self love problems. I went to therapist multiple times across my adult, and when he says, why are you here? My answer was, I don't love myself, and I fear that I'm not going to be able to enter any kind of loving relationship because of that. And I need help. That was always clear to me. And the therapy was wonderful, nurturing. It was like a warm bath. I loved it, and it didn't. It didn't. It didn't solve the issue, you know, not that it might not have, could have, maybe if I would have kept going, but it was really doing the inner work on a spiritual level to scrape out all of the, like, muck.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: Let it scab over and heal and then see what's left.
[00:06:00] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I love that. Listen, I'm such a proponent of what you just said. I have a therapist, because I keep a therapist just for, you know, it's like, I don't want the car battery to die. I want to keep charging it.
[00:06:14] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: And I will say the same thing. There's not a single person, book, journal entry, meditation, or human being that I can point to that healed me. It's a combination of all of that, but more importantly, myself doing the work, and, oh, my God, Johnny, it has been life changing in so many ways.
[00:06:38] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: So grateful for it. Like, I. It sucked. Like, the process sucked, and the healing and the experiencing and all of it was horrible. But I also know that none of that would have led me to. To today, so I'm grateful.
[00:06:57] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:06:58] Speaker A: I don't know if this was the case with you, but for me, it was so severe that I would walk in front of a mirror, like. Just, like, getting ready in the morning, just passing in front of the mirror, and I would stop and just. Just glance. And the words that I would hear in my head. And I don't mean this figuratively. I mean, literally, the track that would play for me was, lower your eyes. Who do you think you are looking at? Like, it was just. It was such violent self disgust.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: You know, and the problem was that I was a people pleaser. I wanted. I wanted to be loved. And so I, like, I know that being around people who have a heavy spirit is draining. So outside, I'm trying so hard to.
[00:07:52] Speaker B: Be.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Pleasant and joyful, but inside, it's.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: Like, I hate myself.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Was that your experience?
[00:08:05] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Listen. Yes. We are so similar.
So I've been a performer my whole life. Since I was three years old, I was in dance or on stage in a play. Right.
I took that role in my personal life, too. I'm gonna entertain you. I'm gonna show up. I'm gonna be the person that walks in and the life of the party. And it was exhausting. It was physically and mentally exhausting.
[00:08:32] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:33] Speaker B: So the period of time from, basically, I started healing in 2017, I went through a massive infertility journey with my husband. We really could not get pregnant, which I now know is I had to learn to mother myself before I could learn to mother somebody else. But in 2020, that's really when just poop, hit the wall. And I called that period of time my three p's. And I'll tell you what those three p's were.
[00:09:01] Speaker A: All right, everybody get a pen. Get a pen.
We're gonna do this old school style.
[00:09:06] Speaker B: Okay? So the first one was pivoting. Cause I'm sure, like the rest of the world, we were all improvising, which is what I do in my business, but my business was completely in person. We didn't have a leg to stand.
[00:09:17] Speaker C: On for two years. Oh, wow.
[00:09:18] Speaker B: Not even this show started. My show started in April of 2020. Okay. So we had nothing virtually. So I have, you know, people's insurance and bills and livelihoods on top of my chest. And on top of that, I am a new mom. I had a miracle baby boy after years of trying. So that led to my second p, which was people pleasing. I was giving everything to this child.
My mom at the time had had a stroke and almost died. So I was giving to my family, and she was in the hospital during COVID I couldn't even go see her.
[00:09:51] Speaker C: Right.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: I'm a constant people pleaser who wanted to give to my team, to my clients, to my friends. So I was just giving in every area to everyone except myself.
[00:10:04] Speaker C: Right.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Which led to the third p, which was pain.
[00:10:08] Speaker C: Right.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: I'm not talking about, like, ouch, I stumped my toe talk, like, tight pain. I'm talking about chronic pain that was in my back and shoulders, that would make me cry myself to sleep at night, that was undiagnosable by doctors, would withstand, like, chiropractic cracks. Like, it was chronic pain that lasted about two years. And it wasn't until I was guided to read this book called when the body says no by this man, Gabor mate. And I realized that my body was holding on to all of these unprocessed emotions. The anger that I had from infertility treatments and the fact that I was the one having to go through all of this. The anger I had from feeling like I was left alone when my husband went back to work. And I was, you know, I was, who am I now? Who am I, this human being? The anger that I have from the pandemic, the fear that I had, this underlying root issue of I'm not worthy of people pleasing. Just. I was so mad. And so I started to. If you've ever seen the show on Netflix, Marie Kondo.
[00:11:23] Speaker C: Oh, yes.
[00:11:24] Speaker B: Yes. I took Marie Kondo in my brain. I had to go in, like, several different rooms inside of my brain, take out what no longer served me. Thank you.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: And then realize, does not spark joy.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: Yeah. This does not spark joy. And once I did that, I became this whole new person.
[00:11:43] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:11:43] Speaker B: I literally became this whole new person. I was, like, a homecoming to myself.
[00:11:48] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: And that kind of leads me to the journey that I'm on now as a new author and how I was even guided to read the book, because I really leaned into my spiritual practice during this time. Um, just gonna call it. I have very, very amazing spirit guides and angels.
[00:12:10] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: Around me. And I can share that story with you and your audience. Yeah, I would love to. If you're okay.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I would love to hear it.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: Okay. Because this is wild. Like, this is just.
I haven't told a version of this ever before, so I'm gonna share that with you.
[00:12:31] Speaker A: Okay. So we have an exclusive.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: You have an exclusive.
So, as I was finishing this healing journey, I was just on my phone, and I don't really check Facebook, but I got a Facebook message from a loved one that it was on my husband's side of the family, so I didn't really know who they were, but I knew they were a past family member. So I told my family member, I said, you know, I'm gonna call her Susan.
Susan Facebook messaged me. How do I know her again? And my family member looks at me and says, that's not possible.
Susan is no longer with us. She passed away two years ago. And I was like, okay, well, she clearly messaged me. It says here, hey, are you there? Are you there?
So I felt guided to meditate in that moment. And so that evening, I went upstairs, and I did a guided meditation to channel spirit guides. And through that, Susan came through very clearly.
[00:13:30] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. It worked. It worked.
And she brings in a person in my life who I've never met, but is very. I'm trying to keep my family names. Yes, of course, you know, confidential. But it was a family member who took their own life.
[00:13:49] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: Who was very close in proximity to who I am on my. My husband's side.
And when I was going through this healing journey, I mean, I was very low. There were some very low moments.
My husband found me one day on the bathroom floor in a ball, naked, screaming, I'm broken. I'm broken. And literally, I couldn't move. And it was like. That was like, the bottom. Bottom. But this loved one, Susan brought in another loved one. We'll call her Sally. Okay. And Sally said to me, I was you.
I am you. I gave to everyone in my life except myself, which is why I took my own life.
And I want you to write this book and write it now.
And I will write through you.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:14:47] Speaker B: And so I truly was, like, shook, but also very in alignment with the assignment. And when I tell you that this book was something that flowed out of me, I truly mean that it was a beautiful experience. I would get up early before my house woke up. I would light a candle, get a coffee, sit at my desk, and just write. And I felt Sally with me the entire time.
[00:15:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:15:19] Speaker B: I also recently went to a medium, which I have never. I've been to. I have a clairvoyant coach, but I never seen a medium. And so I also found out through that conversation that I also had another friend of mine who took his life.
Help me write the book.
[00:15:37] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, my goodness.
[00:15:41] Speaker B: And it was just such a beautiful experience. And I'm sharing this with you, and I literally have full body chills because I would never have listened to my inner guidance system or my inner voice or any of that without this healing process. And so what it really was was this, I think, guided path of all these, you know, things I had to go through in order to become this version of me, to be able to give opportunities for people in the same position, give them tangible things that they can take home and do to help them love themselves more so that they don't get in the place that I was at or my ancestor or my past friend was at. Because when we let our egos run wild, we just get ourselves into the spaces that really we don't belong. And where we belong is like listening here and loving what we've been given because we only have this body once.
[00:16:46] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:16:47] Speaker B: So it was a really beautiful exchange, and I'm.
I was out of alignment after I wrote it. I wrote it in alignment. I got out of alignment again, and then I. It was like the universe just kept, like, knocking me, literally on the head, like I had a concussion, for real, for four months. That was like, no, you need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. And I feel the most aligned I've ever felt in my life because of that journey.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: Wow, that's an amazing story. And, you know, listen, there might be listeners who have experienced what you experienced and more. And there might be listeners who are like, what this talk? And I don't like. That's, like, literally insanity. And here's what I want to say. Here's what I want to say.
[00:17:39] Speaker C: Right.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: If you're a listener who. Who has not experienced that type of, let's say, that type of element in your own spiritual journey, here's the key. The universe is a much more loving place than I ever gave it credit for. There is help around me all the time. Sometimes it's in the form of a commercial I hear on television and a message that just makes me think of something. Sometimes it's in a random phone call I receive from someone I didn't expect to get a call from. Sometimes it's a billboard, and sometimes it might be through being visited by the spirit of someone I once knew. Like, it doesn't matter. The end result is. What matters is that, Aaron, you received this encouragement to embrace self love, and whatever the source of that nudge that you got, it doesn't matter, because it seems to me like the end result to you is a very real impactful experience.
[00:18:49] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's funny, I actually say I'm now living what I like to call the three P's remix. You know, I changed it up a little bit.
[00:19:01] Speaker C: All right.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: Did we take out people pleaser? Like, did that one last.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: Yeah, people pleaser.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Okay, good. We got that one out.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: Yeah. So now it's, I live a life filled with purpose, which is knowing what I'm here to do, staying in alignment with that, having conversations like this, I know my priorities. They're very much in check. And I now live a life of peace, which.
Something. I'm 40, almost 41. I literally, I would say, lived my life the first 39 years.
And, you know, who knows what it was like for me as a baby. But as I could remember, I lived it in a very different state, in a fight or flight nervous system. In a anxious nervous system.
And I have really reclaimed that. And I hope, for the next 40 years of my life, I stay in this spot.
[00:19:53] Speaker C: Yes. Good.
[00:19:55] Speaker A: So to move to kind of the next part of our conversation, um, and wrap this up. Uh, wrap kind of this section up. I mean, so we've moved from a place of painful self doubt, ego based snatching and grabbing and.
[00:20:14] Speaker C: And.
[00:20:14] Speaker A: And, you know, scrounging for scraps to this place of peaceful self love and acceptance. Okay.
In most situations. Right. That's not my reality 100% of the time.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: So, yes, I'm still human. I'm still going to feel, you know, angst and angst.
[00:20:32] Speaker A: I'm fat in these jeans.
[00:20:34] Speaker B: Yes. Oh, yeah.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: I've just embarrassed myself in front of him. He's, like, so annoyed by me, blah, blah, blah.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes. I'm still human. Totally. But way different than I was as a human before.
[00:20:47] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:20:48] Speaker A: So, moving on to the second part, then. How do you see that journey as having made the world a more loving place for you?
[00:21:02] Speaker B: I think love attracts love, and so I loved before we. Here's the word love again. I love before you. And I hit record today. You said, let me be of service, and you just literally inhaled and exhaled, and really, I felt that intention.
I'm a keynote speaker. Right. I speak in front of people all the time.
I'll never forget when I spoke two years ago in front of an audience. I was like, I'm here to show them who's here. And I'm gonna get my warm up, pump up jams on backstage, and they're not gonna believe who's gonna come out and greet them. Oh, my God. That keynote speaker flopped on her face and failed. But when I. Like, last night, I did a talk for Amazon. Actually, I was in DC yesterday, and I did a talk for Amazon employees, and I literally said backstage, all I want to do is be a vessel of love. I want you to spread love through me so I can share it with this audience. And that's all I want, is. Is you to channel love through me so I can spread that to others.
[00:22:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: And it was a very intimate setting, and I just feel like everyone in that room felt bad at the end. And I always say at the end of every talk I do, if today brought you joy, if it made you smile, if it made you feel a certain type of way, my only ask is that you spread that to somebody else today, tomorrow, this week, because the world needs so much more of it. And so love attracts love, and you. You receive the energy that you put out. So I have to fill my cup with love. I have to fill myself with love in order to be a good parent, in order to be a good leader, in order to talk to human beings and help them find love, I have to feel it myself. And it is.
I find that when you lead your life from that place, you receive so much more than when you're resisting and when you're pushing and pulling and things feel very arduous. So it almost is this beautiful flow state that I've been able to get myself in, and that helps other people do the same, and it attracts that vibration to me. And so for me, I'm, like, living a life filled with love because I'm filling my cup first. Right.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: That's the thing.
[00:23:36] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's. That's literally what my book is about. Like, that right there, that is the entire, like, if you were to boil it down into a paragraph, that is it. And you don't. You can't create loving environments if you don't love yourself first.
[00:23:51] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: Listen, we hear all the time, we hear that the. That the common, like, societal opinion is that we've never been in a darker place. We've never, like, you know, been so divided and, like, it's so, you know, we're in some real trouble right now. You hear stuff like that all the time, and I.
Listen, I'm no longer in the arguing business, so I'm not here to contradict anybody's perspective on that.
But that's not how I experience the world, you know? And, I mean, listen, let's go back to, like, medieval Europe and, like, let's talk about which era I'd rather live in. Like, just, you know, technology aside. Like, I'm not trying to, you know. Anyway, whatever.
Listen, what I'm saying, though, is that I walk down the street.
I live in the middle of a densely populated urban area with statistics of high crime.
I live in the middle of Washington, DC.
[00:24:58] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:24:58] Speaker B: I was just there.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: Yet I know. I heard you say that.
[00:25:01] Speaker B: I'm here.
[00:25:02] Speaker A: How dare you? So.
And no one has ever looked at me in a menacing way.
No one has. I've not been, like. I just have to say that I don't ever feel threatened.
I don't feel endangered.
Sometimes I get a little intuitive nudge that says, go this way.
[00:25:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: And I go that way.
[00:25:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:34] Speaker A: But, like, the fact is, like, I don't live in a world.
[00:25:38] Speaker C: Well.
[00:25:38] Speaker A: I don't watch the news.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:25:41] Speaker A: Okay. I stopped that. I don't engage in politics other than basic research and voting.
[00:25:48] Speaker B: Yep. Yep.
[00:25:49] Speaker A: And the fact is, like, I don't live in a world where people fight.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:55] Speaker A: Like, that's not my reality anymore.
I believe that others believe it, and I believe that others are experiencing this darkness and this heaviness, and it's real.
And I'm the one who held myself in the locked cell of that. And the minute that I just stopped holding the door shut, I walked into a different world by loving myself, by turning with in and giving space and respect and honor to my inner wisdom, by seeing my inner spark of the creator and recognizing it as magnificent.
All of the sudden, all the threats of the world have faded.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: So good. So good. I love that. And I hear you on that because you could live this life filled with darkness. Okay, listen, I have a communications degree. Do I really remember anything from it? No, but I remember. I remember one thing. This is, I had a paper on this, and it was called the cultivation theory by George Gerbner, okay? And it was basically, you cultivate your life by the things that you intake. So it's like you watch the news and you're filled with doom and gloom.
[00:27:17] Speaker A: And look, we're bringing academia to refractive listeners, okay? So, yes, okay.
[00:27:21] Speaker B: I know, I know, I know.
[00:27:22] Speaker C: I love it.
[00:27:23] Speaker B: I love it. Truly. Like, that stuck with me. I mean, 21 years out of college and I remember that. And anytime, like, for example, 2020, when we were all stuck in our homes and we were glued to our phones and our screens because we didn't know what else to do.
[00:27:38] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:27:38] Speaker B: My psyche could never have felt lower. Like, my inner peace was out the window shot. Like, I just. I had nothing but fear and doom and gloom in my. In my system. And it's funny because yesterday was on the way to this event, and I was in an Uber, and he had the news, like, loud and proud in the Uber. And I said, sir, I'm paying for. I didn't say I'm paying for this, but I'm like, this is my ride. And I was like, can you just. Do you mind turning down the volume or turning the channel? Because I just cannot fill my. My vibe with that because all it does is just permeate fear, cause controversy, it's divisive. And I don't want to live in that space.
[00:28:20] Speaker C: No.
[00:28:21] Speaker B: Because I lived in it enough. And I'm. I am of the same mindset of you. It's. It's a different world. I lived in Chicago for 15 years. I now live in Charleston, South Carolina. And it was funny, a guy came over to help us fix something in our house the other day, and I was like, yeah, I'm about to get on a plane to go to Chicago. He goes, oh, be safe. And I was like, that's because he's never been. And he watches the news.
[00:28:47] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:28:47] Speaker B: And I lived there for 15 years.
[00:28:49] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: And I was. I mean, yes, things happen. It's a large city like DC, but, like, it is a safe space. I was surrounded by people who loved me and supported me, and I loved living there for. It's because we just fear what they. We are intaking what other humans believe, and we're getting a little opinionated opinions behind the facts that they're giving us, and it causes such fear and toxicity, and I'm so over it. So I'm with you.
[00:29:21] Speaker A: No, are you, uh, listen, I talk about her on my podcast all the time. Um, are you familiar with Byron Katie?
[00:29:27] Speaker B: No, wait, no, I know Katie. Byron, but I don't know Byron Katie.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: So, Byron Katie, she is a. She's a. I'll just say she's a spiritual writer. I mean, that's not really what she is, but she has books on that you would categorize as spirituality. And her whole, I guess her whole.
The whole essence of her philosophy is learning to love, falling in love with reality, and as one of the ways that she gets there she asked this question of who would you be without your story?
[00:30:09] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I love, I just googled as you were talking and I'm like, I want to know.
[00:30:14] Speaker A: She's amazing, Erin. She cracked me open in my spiritual journey and like, she was like, miracle grow for my spiritual development through her books or what did her books?
[00:30:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:30:27] Speaker A: I also went to a retreat of hers years later. Like, actually just last year I went to a retreat of hers.
But her books, like, I first learned about her through the Oprah super soul conversations and where Oprah interviews different spiritual thinkers. And when I heard her, I was like, oh, I get, yeah, I resonate with this. I've never heard this before, but I'm here for it. So I went and read her books and whatnot, and I'm like, oh, yeah, no, no, no. This is what, this is what, this is what I want. Like, this is what feels right for me.
[00:31:03] Speaker B: I need, I needed a new, like, page turner that's happening. You also said Oprah. And behind my, in my little podcast studio, which is a closet that I converted into a, I have a vision board directly behind me, and Oprah's like, all over it. So you just said, like, all the things just went dang. And I am 1000% going to buy her books. Amazing.
[00:31:26] Speaker A: Listen, listen to the Oprah super soul conversation podcast episode. You'll know. You'll know in 30 minutes whether, like, it's the right fit for you.
That's my advice. But. So Byron, Katie, one of the exercises she had us do at her retreat, we were in LA and we went to Santa Monica and we were dropped off on the beach and we were given some really specific instructions. No money, no watches, nothing of value, no food, no beverage.
And you are to wander around the streets, the sidewalks, the beach, and you are to find individuals there.
Walk up to them and join them.
You're allowed to say only four words. May I join you?
If someone says no, you follow the simple instructions and you keep moving. But if someone says, who cares? I don't know. They don't answer, whatever. Then you just sit and you stay open. You don't speak.
And we were like, wait, what? Like, this is crazy. She was like, find people that you assume don't have homes. Find people that you assume are high. Find people that you know anyone. Like, anyone. Find people on their lunch break, whatever, and just sit and just take the time to re meet the human race without your story.
[00:33:03] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:33:05] Speaker A: And what I'm telling you, Aaron, is that when I sat there without people thought I was a lunatic because I wasn't. I would say, may I join you? I would sit. They would start to talk to me. And we don't answer. We don't communicate. All we do is look at them with love.
Not like, intense staring. We just. We're present, but not communicating.
[00:33:26] Speaker B: That is fascinating.
[00:33:28] Speaker A: And let me tell you what happened.
People that we. And we're doing this individually, we're not as a group, like, we're not like five people walking up like it's one on one, right? People who you would assume don't have a home offered us food.
People who.
People opened up and cried to us about pain they're feeling over the relationship with their children.
It's just these strangers that you think it's unacceptable to go up and invade someone's space like that. But no, there was no invasion. We asked permission, and then we just sat in love. And what we learned is that nobody was accosted, no one was disrespected. Some people were said, no, I want to be alone, and that's fine, but, like, not a single one of. There were. I don't know, there were, like 200 people who we went out and did this, and no one had negative experiences. We were brought to tears by the raw love shown to us by strangers from every walk of life.
[00:34:36] Speaker B: That is beautiful. Oh, my God. What an activity. How long did this last?
[00:34:42] Speaker A: 4 hours.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. And then you just got picked up or. How did you get home?
[00:34:47] Speaker A: Yeah, there were buses. Like, there were buses waiting for us, like, at a certain place. And, you know, the thing is that. The thing is, what we learned is that, you know, we were, most of us, people who can afford to fly across the country for a nine day retreat in Los Angeles. Right?
[00:35:06] Speaker C: Like.
[00:35:06] Speaker A: Like, this is, like, very uncomfortable. And we all have lots of hard baked stories about who the people are that are just sitting around on the sidewalk in the middle of the day. And as we sat down without, despite our fear, despite our discomfort, but only with an open heartedness, those people loved us.
[00:35:33] Speaker B: I mean, yeah. You're not bringing anything? No baggage?
[00:35:37] Speaker A: No, no.
But it required something of me. It required me to suspend my fearful, aggressive, pain filled, history based stories about others on. And by just leaning into love, those people gave me love, and I will never forget it. This one woman, like, she. I think she might have been homeless.
She, like, took my hand and walked down the beach with me. And just. It just. I just could not believe the random kindness and beauty of these people because people can sense innocence.
[00:36:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
What if the entire world did that activity, like, what a different place? Yes, we would be.
[00:36:35] Speaker C: Yes. Yes.
[00:36:37] Speaker B: Love that.
So, okay, this is similar, but not. But when I think about what you're saying, it's, like, real and raw and vulnerable. Vulnerable.
And so I use improv comedy to teach. Right. Everything I do is rooted in that. And I really believe that if the entire world could take an improv class, the world would be a better place, because there's so many characteristics that make up a great improviser, that make up a great human. You have to listen with compassion. You have to think quickly on your feet. But it's because you're listening to the thing that the person before you just said. You have to have equal give and take. You have to be in the moment and be so present that you're not planning ahead or thinking ahead. And that is like an improv based activity that she had you do because you're improvising the whole time. And it's beautiful. It's magical, because what you're witnessing is the real raw reaction of another human being to. To nothing but your soul, basically.
[00:37:41] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:37:43] Speaker B: So cool. I love that.
[00:37:46] Speaker A: I wonder, how did you arrive at the title of I see you for your book? Because, like, I really. I think that's a really loving sentiment.
[00:37:57] Speaker B: You do? Okay. Thank you. Because let me tell you, Johnny, my speaking coach, I love her so much. But she was like, that doesn't tell me what the book is about. And I'm like, no, no, no, it does. Like, you don't know what the book. What I'm gonna say in this. And then I went to my publisher, and they tried to change the title, too, and I fought so hard for this title.
There are a lot of books out there called I see you, but they're thrillers. And so we added an exclamation mark at the end that sort of changed it up. And.
[00:38:33] Speaker A: Yeah, so it's not so much like, I see you. I see you.
[00:38:37] Speaker B: Yeah, I see you. And it was. And then the subtitle had to really drive it home. So it's a leader's guide to energizing your team through radical empathy. But I just like, for me, what I use improv comedy for is really the vessel to make people feel like they belong. And that's underneath it all. It is like this practice of belonging, of feeling seen, heard, and valued. And so it was just these three words that when you say them, it makes you happy, it makes you smile, it makes you feel something. And I knew I wanted the title to be a phrase that I would like. I would say to somebody, like, I see you, you know? And I always say, like, I see you, boo. You know, or something like that. And I wrote it. In almost every chapter of the book, I say something about, like, it was just so woven into the writing. And when I found my publisher, I was about six chapters in, and so they were like, well, just keep writing it. And then when they tried to change the title, I was like, it just won't work. And I. The title for me is just everything. Like, I love it. I breathe it, and I feel like my. My friend made me this bracelet. She's a swiftie. But it says, I see you. And it's like my color teal. And it makes me so happy when I look at my wrist, it's like, I see all of you, all of your flaws. I see you as the human being, not the human doing. And it's funny you said that, because I'm so glad you love it. I love it. I knew that the people who connect with this work would love it. From a business perspective, I think it doesn't. You know, they don't think it sells the book.
But if you. You read it, it will. It will make sense. And if you know what I'm trying to convey, it makes sense.
[00:40:35] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, that's lovely.
[00:40:38] Speaker A: If the listeners want to learn more about how you show up in the world, the services you offer, they want to learn more about your book, all of that. How would you direct them?
[00:40:51] Speaker B: I would just have them go to my website. It's aarondeal.com, and it will take you everywhere. Instagram. LinkedIn is where I spend most of my time.
[00:41:01] Speaker A: Spell that for us, please.
[00:41:03] Speaker B: Okay, so it's Aaron, Erin, and deal is spelled not like, let's make a deal. It's the german way. D I e h l. It's Aaron deal.com. And that's also my Instagram handle at. It's errandeal. And it will take you everywhere to the book where you can find it. It will share with you how we use our work to help leaders in teams. It's a pretty cool website. I'm really proud of it, too. Like, my team helped me build it, and it's still. You know, it's still getting things added to it as we speak. But it's.
It's. It's like the thing that I have that embodies who I am now because my business website is amazing. But I feel like I've evolved even from 2020, when that was created.
[00:41:44] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:41:46] Speaker B: So it's aarondiel.com. I would say go there.
[00:41:49] Speaker C: Great. Excellent.
[00:41:51] Speaker A: Why don't we take this home? If you kind of had to cap off our discussion today. Around this topic of the world becomes more loving as I love myself.
What departing words of wisdom do you have?
[00:42:09] Speaker B: Okay, and I didn't say this, so I don't know who wrote this quote, but I love it so much and it's kind of cheesy, but it really makes sense. If you can pretend that everyone you meet has a sign around their neck that says, make me feel important.
You will not only feel love because you're giving love, you'll receive it back.
And literally, we are the energy that we put out to the world. We become what we receive, what we are. So self love is the first step to living a life filled with abundance, a life that flows with ease and grace. And it's such a better way to live. Like I wish, I wish my younger self could go back in time and actually, I wouldn't change anything.
But I have lived both lives, and a life filled with freedom and flow is such an easier way because you just, you feel love at every turn.
[00:43:13] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:43:15] Speaker B: And supported. And you are supported. You just have to lean into it.
[00:43:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:19] Speaker A: There is so much beauty and support if we have eyes to see it.
[00:43:26] Speaker C: Yeah, that's great.
[00:43:28] Speaker A: Thank you so much for bringing your experience and your story to the listeners today. It was really a beautiful episode.
[00:43:35] Speaker B: Oh my gosh, I love your energy. And again, you have such a great vibe. This was probably one of the coolest conversations I've had in a long time. So thank you.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: That touches me. Thank you everyone. I am just overjoyed that you tuned in for another episode of Refractive. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your energy into that. And you know, as always, as we go out into the world and we experience people just doing the best they can, never forget to aim your light. Take care.
You've been listening to refractive podcast and this is Johnny G. If you found today's content uplifting, if you think it might make somebody's day better, give it a share on social media, click like subscribe. All those things help to expand this podcast availability to new audiences. I'm a spy, a coach, and a facilitator based out of Washington, DC, but I travel a lot. If you think I can be of service to you or to your organization, help people get unstuck or move into their authentic power, shoot me an email. My email address is refractivepodcastmail.com.
Take care. Thanks for listening and aim your light.
