Spiritual Visions with Marlon Fixico

Speaker 0 00:00:01 Ever since you can remember, you felt something in your chest telling you to move, to love, to speak, to try day after day. You pretend you don't hear calling, or maybe you dismiss it as silliness or worse, but it's there ready for you and we'll wait for you. And as long as you, my name is Johnny G and I invite you to join me on a journey of awakening as we dare to embrace our light. This is refractive Speaker 2 00:00:47 Hello, everyone. And welcome to another episode of refractive podcast. Today I have with me, a dear friend, Marlon Fixico. He is a descendant on both his mother and his father's side of spiritual leaders and medicine people. He is part of the Cheyenne tribe and the Seminole tribe. How are you Marlin? Welcome to refractive. Speaker 3 00:01:11 I'm feeling good today. Thanks, John. Speaker 2 00:01:14 I am delighted that you are with us, you and I had an opportunity to visit not long ago. And you were telling me just a little bit about, uh, some of your spiritual history and some interesting things that happen to you. And because refractive is a show, that's all about people kind of stepping into their most authentic selves and listening to their inner guidance and being in touch with kind of that high level, knowing of what our souls want for us in life. I thought you would be a really, um, a valuable guest on the show to share with listeners some of your experiences in that. And so I, I guess I'll just kind of run down, uh, a basic premise of the episode today and then I'll start digging in. Does that sound okay? That was good. All right. So you had, uh, told me when we were together, uh, just a little bit about your background and how your culture had influenced your spiritual life, your spiritual journey, the awakening that you've had and all of that. So I would love for you to just take us through that journey for you. What was your spiritual path like? Speaker 3 00:02:24 So, um, as you said in the introduction, I come from a long line of spiritual leaders and medicine people. Um, I would go down to the last, but it's pretty extensive, but just suffice to say, uh, even my, uh, immediate parents, uh, were very spiritual and healers. Um, they, uh, never like advertise that, that that's what they were that's just too, they were, and I think that's a mark of a true spiritual leaders. You don't, they don't need to tell you that they are, you just, somehow people just find out that they just know. And, uh, so I grew up a lot with my Cheyenne grandmother, my mother's mother, and, uh, in my formative years. And she's the one who taught me a lot of the things that I later in life, uh, rediscovered, so to speak. Um, Speaker 2 00:03:39 Well, spirituality, something that, um, in your earlier life, like when you were an adolescent, uh, were you open to kind of receiving that wisdom from your family? Speaker 3 00:03:50 Uh, I would say there was a turning point when I was around 12 where I stopped caring about spiritual things previous to that. Uh, I used to go to, uh, in the summertimes. Uh, I grew up in Oklahoma city, but my grandmother lived in rural Oklahoma and in the summertimes, I would spend it with her and we'd go to, uh, Indian ceremonies, do a lot of camping and fishing and just out in nature a lot. And then, um, uh, go to a lot of powerhouse. So I was raised around spiritual ceremonies. Uh, people would come and they'd have all my prayer services at my grandmother's house. And, you know, I was a little kid, I didn't really know what was going on. I just knew they had this big breakfast in the morning, which I really enjoyed. Uh, I would sleep through the prayer service and wake up in time for breakfast. Speaker 3 00:04:50 Yes. But, uh, but I remember at one point I was about, I don't remember exactly when seven or eight, um, first or second grade I was, I was spending the summer with my grandmother and this white lady came and she, and grandma had this long talk. I didn't know what they're talking about or the next thing I knew I was going to Sunday school. I didn't know what Sunday school I just got in the car with this white lady. And we went to this building where all these white people were and they were talking about something called God. And then after I got home that day, I asked her mother, what, what was God? I said, they kept talking about God at that place. She said, well, in the Cheyenne language, the word for God, we call God is my hail hail means. Um, we don't know, we don't know what it is, but it's everything. Speaker 3 00:05:51 And from that point forward, it just stuck with me as a S you know, seven or eight year old kid. Grandma said, that's what it was. And that's what it was word for God. You know what I mean? I don't know what it is. It's just that it's everything, it's everything. And so, um, for a long time, I, I would hear people speaking about God and that's what was in my mind. But around 12 years old, 11 or 12, my father, he was an alcoholic. And he stopped drinking at that age, my age, and, um, started going to church. And once you started going to church, you said, I couldn't go spend any more time with my grandmother because she was pagan and she was going to go to hell. So I knew that was wrong, but, you know, he was dad. So, uh, I started going to a different kind of church. Speaker 3 00:06:47 It was a native American church, but it was Southern Baptist. It was kind of a conjunction of Southern Baptist, native American. They spoke, our language is saying our language, but, um, it was basically Southern Baptist. Okay. And, um, so I adapted to that. And then I started adopting this idea, you know, they, they talked about from time to time that, you know, men shall not lay with another man that is abomination. So I, you know, that was like emblazoned in my brain, uh, because I like men and how I was, I was around 11 or 12. Yeah. And, uh, and it, and it continued on until I left home at 18. But, uh, I was, I struggled for all those years with my spirituality and sexuality. I knew that there was God. I prayed to God to change me all the time, but, um, you know, the have never happened. Speaker 3 00:07:55 So, um, I went to college and, um, I was in love with my best friend who was straight, nothing happened between us, but, um, eventually, uh, he got a girlfriend and, you know, we split up, uh, we didn't spend as much time together. And, uh, I found a woman who was just as crazy as I was. And I told she was the first person I told that I was gay. Yeah. And we became best friends. She didn't care. She was like, oh yeah, that's fine. It's not a big deal to me. So we stayed together for like six months, just hanging out and getting drunk and having fun and going to school and everything that people do in college. But, uh, when time came to graduate, uh, I couldn't imagine my life without her. So, uh, I told her that and she said, well, does that mean you want to get married? Speaker 3 00:09:03 That's a proposal for you right there. But I thought about it. I said, no, that makes sense. Okay. Yeah, let's get married. Let's do it. And so, uh, so we were married five years. We have two kids. And then, um, eventually the alcoholism took its toll on our relationship and our marriage. And, uh, I left her and I went to Washington DC and became gay. No, I was already gay, but, uh, I was just, it was a 1983 and it was at the height of the aids crisis. And, you know, it was just getting to be a big thing. I remember that time magazine came out with a big article, had the word aids on the front. And, um, I just thought I was going to die. I mean, I had a Christian upbringing that said that what I was doing was wrong and I said, well, it's wrong then I'm just gonna go for it. Speaker 3 00:09:59 And, uh, I didn't care. Uh, I left my children, which were the most important thing to me, but then, um, it was, it was horrible. And so, um, I drank for about 18 years, I was 37 when I got sober in Washington DC. And, um, I was at that point that I was sober for about a year. And then I started seeing things and having visions and having dreams. Yeah. And my, uh, my grandmother was, was, she would come to me in my dreams a lot. Um, my, I had a therapist too, who did, um, guided meditation and my grandmother appeared during his guided meditation. She was right there. I was like, okay. It was funny because he would talk to her. He would say he would ask me a question and I, and she would answer. And so I would just tell him what she said. Speaker 3 00:11:06 Uh, but she's always been with me. She's like, um, my guardian angel. Yeah. Um, and she was, uh, she's the Cheyenne, uh, grandmother. So, um, on my dad's side, I trace this back to before the Seminoles were transferred from Florida. Uh, and my ancestor was what was the leader of the tribe at the time when they were being transferred. And my, uh, uh, my grandmother's, uh, my father's male lineage, that was him, but my grandmother on his mother's side, her, uh, ancestor was a medicine man who was partners with the leader who came. So they suck. We have all this connection between the leaders in spiritual people. Yeah. And the <inaudible> tribe really, uh, have, uh, a lot of myths and stories about medicine people. Uh, they can control the weather, uh, they can make glove potions and they can make you sick. So, um, there all kinds of stuff. Speaker 3 00:12:27 Anyway, I grew up in, uh, all this with my, my grandmothers, my mother's line. There were, uh, well, the biggest one, his name is black kettle. He was a peace chief who was killed by George Custer back in 18 80 18, 68 in Oklahoma. It wasn't Oklahoma yet. But, um, so, uh, and then my grandfather, uh, her husband, um, he was the first leader of the, uh, native American church, which people know as a pod church. Okay. And, um, I don't know if people know, but I mean, there's a lot of research being resurgent research on, uh, hallucinogenics and how helpful it is, especially to addicts. Um, the trouble with what happened in the sixties was that they were using it in a proper way, uh, recreationally. And it was never meant to be recreational. So anyway, uh, the native American church has a very strict, uh, guidelines on how to use a pod. Speaker 3 00:13:43 And, uh, and then in ceremony and, uh, anyway, so my grandfather was, he was, um, on a tribal council. He was the first president of the, uh, um, native American church. And I had all these things on me growing up, you know, in grade school, we took Oklahoma history and they talked about black kettle. And, um, I knew he was my ancestor, but after more and more, I learned about all these people in my ancestors. It was like, it was like this heavy burden. It's like, oh, what am I supposed to do? And my mom, she wanted me to become a preacher, a Seminole Baptist preacher, which I did do some preaching when I was a teenager. But, um, I mean, I was one of the biggest hypocrites. I was having sex with boys at the same time, going to church preach out. But, um, but, uh, so I would build against all of it. Speaker 3 00:14:48 And so when I, by the time I, uh, went to college and I started drinking, uh, it was, I was out of the, I wanted to get out from underneath of being that legacy. I didn't want to be a spiritual person. I didn't want to be a spiritual leader. I didn't want to learn medicine. I didn't want to do any of it. And then, um, and then, you know, fast forward, 18 years later, I, uh, got sober and all these things come to me. And, uh, I don't tell us too many people, but I can see people's auras. Uh, I remember when I told my therapist that, and I thought I was, you know, I had to be honest cause I, you know, that's how therapy works. Yeah. And so, uh, he showed me these pictures from this book by, I forgot her name, but anyways called hands of light. Speaker 3 00:15:46 And it was all about studying, uh, supernatural phenomenon and, and, uh, she had pictures of people with auras and I was like exactly what I saw. And so I didn't feel so crazy after he showed me that. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then, uh, and then I, I got sober through a 12 step programs and the most, and the more I heard them talk about the principles of the program, the more I heard my grandmother, um, the things that she taught me, she didn't sit down and say, this is this, and this is that she just lived it. And then I watched her and, and um, so when they would talk about things, so that's what my grandmother used to do. That's what my grandmother used to say. And then I came a little bit by a little bit, it came back to me and, uh, I realized that, um, whether I wanted to be a spiritual person or not, I was, yeah. I mean, Speaker 2 00:16:49 We all are, that's the thing. Speaker 3 00:16:52 So, um, I started becoming more, just open. I don't, you know, there's a lot of, uh, in college, I studied engineering and I really love physics and there's a, there's a scientific explanation for everything. Speaker 2 00:17:11 Oh, I can't believe you're going there. I can't believe Marlin because let me tell you something like, okay, I am just enraptured with all of these concepts of how spiritual phenomena are really manifestation or physics, actually it, on this plane manifests from spiritual phenomenon, right? Like the whole idea of waves and frequency and the idea of even things like surface tension. And there's just so many of physics that is mirrored, uh, to spiritual phenomena that we read about and that we hear about that. It, it blows your mind if you go down this rabbit hole. So you just got me really excited when you mentioned, sorry, go ahead. Keep going, keep going. Speaker 3 00:18:06 That's okay. I, you just remind me one of the big things for me is the idea of, um, what the nature of light is, you know, it's like, is it a wave or is it a linear, uh, particle? Yeah, but it's like, it's both. And that's what spiritual, it's a spiritual, spiritual things are paradox. So I can be one thing and the other thing at the same time, but it can, and it is. And I, you know, I used to share that with, with my sponsees over and over again, this is like, uh, how can you be sad and happy at the same time? You can, Speaker 2 00:18:47 There is a writing by Zuckoff who, if people were fans of Oprah, they'll, they'll recognize Gary Zukav because he was a guest over the years, many times when she had spiritual, uh, topics. But he talks about how, um, in this interesting situation where light is both a wave and a particle that, um, whether it appears as a wave or as a particle is dependent upon the intention of the observer. Um, that the way the, um, experiment is designed dictates whether light appears as a particle or as a wave. And that this is a beautiful parallel to our lives, that we are the creator, we are the architect, and that it is our intention of how we wish to view an object that causes the object to take that form. And it just, oh, I just, I love it. It gives me goosebumps. I have goosebumps right now when I let myself sink into that. So I love this and I didn't know that you had that scientific background. Speaker 3 00:20:01 Yeah, it really, so, I mean, the point of that for me is that there are, there are many supernatural things that I have experienced in my lifetime and, um, that are seemingly unexplainable. But if you, if I were to told a scientist, some of the things that I experienced, they could figure out it was scientific explanation. But to me, it doesn't matter if you can explain it or not. To me, it's just, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but it's everything. So, uh, uh, I'll just to back up a little bit. I went, when I was, um, in college, I was before I met my then wife, um, I was about 1918 or 19. I can't remember, but I had a roommate. I was 19. It was my second year. And my roommate was, uh, 35, which I thought was old at the time. Speaker 3 00:21:05 And he was from, um, um, reservation in Wyoming when we have a reservation. And, um, he was, uh, apprentice turned medicine, man. And so, uh, on spring break, he invited me to come to come home with him. And so I did, and we, during the week we built three sweat lodges. Uh, he was the medicine man that he worked with, uh, what he would, you know, whenever somebody would need a healing or somebody was sick or somebody who was in trouble. So we would go out and have a sweat lodge at their house. One of them was actually in the mountains. It was beautiful. But, uh, the third one, uh, uh, I went in and the medicine man said that he saw that I had seven spirit people that had, they told him that they had come in to the world when I was born and that they would be with me until the day I died and that if I needed anything, they would, if I asked them, uh, in a proper way that I would, they would help me. Speaker 3 00:22:18 And, uh, they would do their best to protect me. Not that they, if I did some stupid things that my medicine, man, didn't say that he said, you can choose wrongly and you might die. I'm not saying they're going to protect you from everything, but they'll protect you, uh, as much as they can. And so, um, that, wasn't great for an alcoholic because I really put them to the test. I mean, at times, but, but, uh, the last thing was that he gave me this, um, it was like a root. Some of my friends said it's probably valerian root, but I don't know. I didn't ask him. It was just a really, really tiny piece of wood to me. He told me that you want it and then spit it in my hands and then wipe it on my face. And, uh, he said, don't do this until you're ready to go to bed. Speaker 3 00:23:14 And so, uh, my friend who I went there with was sitting right next to my bed. Um, and I did what he said, and I rubbed my face with that stuff. And I laid my head down and I went right to sleep. And next thing, next thing I know I was, I was flying in the air and I was, and I was freaked out. I was like, holy moly. And I started to say something and out of my mouth came this Eagle screen. And I was like, what is that? And then, uh, I looked at my arms and they were wings and I could feel the wind holding me up in the air as I glided on the, on the wind. And I looked around and I saw a forest, my saw mountains. And, uh, I went and laid, I went and landed on a, on a branch. Speaker 3 00:24:06 It was a pine tree branch. And I could feel the weight of my body as it landed on the branch. And I grabbed it with my claws. I mean, all these little minute details, I still remember to this day. And then I looked in and saw these mountains and I decided to go to the mountains. I wanted to go, ha CII could go. So I started going through the mountains and then beneath me, I saw a river and I could see the sunlight rippling off the top of the little, uh, waves on the, on the river. And I could see beneath the surface and there was a salmon. It wasn't real big, but it was, it was a good size. And I thought I could pick up that salmon. And the salmon said, uh, well, if you could catch me and I said, what? I didn't know, salmon could talk. Speaker 3 00:24:57 Uh, and so the doc either. And then, so, um, I said, uh, can I catch you to eat? And he said, well, if you can catch me, you can eat me. And so I went down and it was real easy. I caught it, but he started to flip-flopping all over the place. And I had a good hook on him. I'm in my claws into him, but he'd knocked me off balance. And I landed on a sandbar in the middle of the river. And I thought I was going to break my wing or something, but I just tumbled. And with him still in my claws. And, uh, it didn't hurt. It's like, wow, that was interesting. And so then I started eating the salmon and then I could still taste how delicious it is and my mouth let me to this day, I love salmon. And, um, now all of a sudden over this Ridge, uh, there was a big bear and he was all growly. Speaker 3 00:25:55 I want that. I want that fish. And I just looked at him and I said, I'm done I'm for it. You can have dressed. So I just, and I just took off and the bear came down and ate the rest of the fish. Yeah. And, um, I flew to the mountains and I float higher and higher and higher. And I remember I couldn't go, I couldn't go any higher. And I just landed on a cliff, this little ragged edge. And then I looked in, I felt like I could see the whole world. It was like forever. I could see, I could see cities and fields and other mountains. And it was just, it was amazing. And that's when I woke up and my S my, I told my friend that, and, um, and my friend said that the Eagles are your family and that, uh, all the birds are your cousins. Your first cousins were related to everyone, all the animals. If you ever need any help with you, the, the Eagles will show up and they will help you. And, uh, I can't tell you how many times I was lost either emotionally or physically and Eagle would show up. Uh, when I buried my son, uh, three equals came over and, uh, showed me the spot where I was supposed to bury him. And, um, so, uh, I have a real affinity for Eagles. Yeah, Speaker 2 00:27:32 That's powerful. So what, uh, being at such an early age, right? You were maybe 19, uh, when that happened. Um, did, were you ready for that to influence you life or did that have to come back later and influence your path at a, at a later time? Mm, Speaker 3 00:27:51 Thanks for saying that. I forgot to tell you the last part of the message for the medicine, man was you are a powerful spiritual leader and your people need you, and you can start right now today, but if you don't, you can go the other path and there's no guarantee that you'll live, but if you do live, you'll still be the leader you're supposed to be, but it's up to you. And so, uh, of course I chose the other, other path, Speaker 2 00:28:25 The party path, the party Speaker 3 00:28:27 Pash. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:28:29 I'm familiar with that path. Speaker 3 00:28:31 So, so yeah, it, it, didn't, didn't, I just sort of, I tucked it away in my mind that as a way to, I don't know, it was like, I felt invincible, which is not a good thing. It's like, it made me take really stupid choices. Yeah. And do things that I shouldn't have done. I mean, I was 64 years old. I came, uh, into, uh, out gay man in 1983. And I don't know how many times, how many people, how many men I had unprotected sex with and I'm HIV, HIV negative. Yeah. So it's like all my friends that I lived with back then, they're all dead. Yeah. And, uh, most of the night of aids and, um, I don't know how I'm not, I'm not, I'm not for a reason. And I accept that. So where does, Speaker 2 00:29:38 Okay then, like, what is your, now that you have the experience of recovery to kind of clear your mind and clear your spirit and you have these formative experiences, how did, uh, how did your spirituality finally take shape? Speaker 3 00:29:55 Well, I, part of a part of me is missing. I'll be honest. I have a part of me belongs in Oklahoma, and I have every intention of moving back there, you know, before the end of the year, hopefully. Yeah. I, um, there are ceremonies and there's other things. I just feel drawn that there's, whatever part of my next journey is, is there. Um, but in the meantime, uh, I spent a lot of time in Washington, especially I spent 18 years of my sobriety in Washington, uh, working with, um, other addicts and alcoholics, you know, mostly men, mostly gay men, but there was a handful of straight people and then a handful of women. And, um, I, I just shared whatever I have with them, my sponsees. And now that I'm in Idaho, I moved back because my ex wife was dying and my children wanted to be close to her before she passed away. Speaker 3 00:31:06 And so, um, now she's gone, that's come. I want to move back to Oklahoma cause she's gone. But my grandchildren are the most important thing to me, everything that I have, I want to pass on to them so that they can pass it on. So, um, uh, there's a lot of, I mean, when I go back to Oklahoma, that one of the things that medicine people do is kind of like a priest. It's like, when people are sick, you go pray for them. And when people die, you go and officiate their, um, their funerals. And then, you know, people have celebrations, your it'd become like a MC for their family to talk and, and keep people moving and going and, um, and just be an advisor to people who are seeking spiritual advice. So that's where I feel drawn to next. Okay. Speaker 2 00:32:04 Um, Speaker 3 00:32:06 So does that answer your question? Speaker 2 00:32:08 Absolutely. And so you mentioned speaking of, kind of the, the phenomena aspect that you've experienced, you mentioned last time we talked that you had wood. I don't know if it's appropriate to call it a near death experience or what, um, but you said that you went into a coma, um, in a period of hospitalization in the past year and that while you were in a coma for a period of time, you had, uh, some experiences that have been formative for you. So would you tell us a little bit about how all that came about? Speaker 3 00:32:43 So, um, I can track to COVID at the beginning of December and I was in a coma for, um, well, I woke up from my coma on, um, December 24th, Christmas Eve. Okay. Um, and, um, while I was in the coma, just before I woke up and I did die twice, I, they kicked me off the ventilator and I wasn't able to be there, my own, my heart stopped. And so they put me back on and then they did that twice. And so the third time they said, we're going to take them off if he doesn't make it, it doesn't make it. And so a third time I kept on going. So I walked back up. But, uh, in that last part, I don't know. I mean, every time is different when you're just in a dream state. Yeah. So, um, I saw it was, I was in the hospital room where I was, and I in the hallway was a bright light coming from the end of the hallway. I couldn't see the light. I just could see it lighting up the walls. Speaker 2 00:34:03 And you see your body, you mean like where you, like looking down on yourself or where you, as if you were laying in the, Speaker 3 00:34:08 I was laying in the bed. Okay. I was laying in the bed and, um, I could hear my parents. I was my mother first. And, um, she told me that everything was going to be okay and that I could come with them. Um, and, uh, they would take care of me and, and I felt already a sense of warmth and calmness. Um, and my, and then I have a younger brother who's 10 years younger than me. He passed away two years ago and he was there and he said, yeah, why don't you come? And we'll have a great time. And I really wanted to be with him, uh, too. And then my father, my father being my father, there's typical of him. So he, it kinda got onto my mom and he said, quit trying to tell him what to do my own mind since you're influencing him. Speaker 3 00:35:13 And my mom said, well, yeah, I am. But, um, and she said, I want him to come with this. He's he's, he's, he's not doing really well. And that said, he'll be okay. I said, what's, but it's up to him. And he, and then he spoke to me directly. He said, son, if you want to come with us, you can come with us. Um, but if you don't want to come, you don't have to, it's up to you. And I thought about it for a minute and I almost decided to go. And then, and then I remembered my two daughters and their mother had just died a year before that. And I didn't want to put him through that. I just kept thinking that I can't put them through that. So I said, no, I'm going to go back. And, um, so, and then I got I'm back. Speaker 3 00:36:03 Um, but ever since then, I, um, it's hard to describe my feelings and attitudes toward death. I could tell you that it's, I don't have any fear, but it's more than that. It's just like, it's a part of breathing. Dying is a part of breathing. Uh, it just, I mean, you stop and, uh, it's okay. You just stop this thing, whatever we call life. And then you go to the next thing, whatever it is. I don't know what it is, but I'm not afraid of it. And, you know, um, it sounds kind of morbid, but, um, you know, I look forward to going when it's, when it's my time, I really look forward to it. It's like, it's something, something to look forward to, not to something to be afraid of. That's part of it too. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:37:02 Would you say that, um, would you say that you feel kind of a shifting in your mission after that, since you kind of specifically thought of your children and maybe even grandchildren and, uh, and that's why you made the choice to come back, or is that not a part of your, uh, your math right now? Um, Speaker 3 00:37:28 I, I don't really think it is. Uh, I was reading an article about different types of people. We talk about that in the program. Uh, there, you know, there's all kinds of people with different sort of personality traits, and I'm the type of person who is a very, uh, spontaneous, uh, uh, I don't like to make plans. Uh, and, uh, you know, I don't mind having a goal, something to work towards, but it's gotta be very big. It can't be like concrete because it feels like, you know, it's like if I make a plan to make, you know, a hundred million dollars and that's one thing, if I make a hundred thousand dollars walk, wow, I made a hundred thousand dollars. Uh, and I didn't even make a hundred million dollars. I don't care, but it's like, it, it's more of a, what I call in math vector. Speaker 3 00:38:27 It's like, it's a direction to go. It's not something that I, uh, want to necessarily achieve. And so, um, so having all this, this, uh, near to the experience, um, it just sort of reinforces that, you know, life is short. I don't know what's going to happen around the corner. I'm gonna wake up in the morning. And what my biggest experience I could share with people is that in the moment that I'm living is the moment that I know what I'm supposed to do next. Yes. Oh, keep going. It's never failed me. I mean, there are many, many, many times when I was leading a meeting or, or, uh, one time I, when I was in college, I was a part of what's called American Indian science and engineering society. And we always have a ceremony at the beginning of the annual conference and at the end of the end in Congress, and there was a Navajo, uh, student who was my, or had co-leaders. Speaker 3 00:39:42 Uh, and so at the very last, uh, session, uh, we decided to put together, well, I brought a shell with some Cedar, a Sheba, a ball of water, the Navajos have this water ceremony, and we have the Sage, uh, Cedars ceremony. So, um, I brought Cedar and she brought the water and people, whoever wanted to share would come up to the center of the room. And there must've been like three, 400 people in that room. And it was the middle of a ballroom. And we sit and we were sitting in the center and they would come to the middle and we would, I would S uh, smudge them and she would sprinkle some water on them. And then, and then they would share, um, afterwards there was a man who said, uh, how did you guys come up with that ceremony? And we thought of it about 30 minutes before the session we just put together at the last second, I had had the shell on the Cedar and she had, she just took a ball from the, from the hotel. Speaker 3 00:40:56 And, um, we said, we didn't know, we just did it. And he said, you have all the elements of a church. It was this, there was a smoke, uh, what we call incense. And then there was the water, uh, for like a baptism. And, uh, we didn't even think of it that way. We just, we just did it. But that whole experience is, I mean, I, I, I remember hearing the people talk and it was like very deep and very moving and very powerful. Um, and, um, I knew that we were doing the right thing, but I didn't know what we were going to do before we did it. And that's has always stuck with me. Like whenever, you know, my sponsees would say, well, somebody who's sponsoring, other people would say, I'm supposed to go talk to this new new person. And they want me to be the sponsor, but I don't know what, what should I say to them? I said, don't, don't plan on it. Just, just go up and show up. You'll figure it out when, when they start talking, you'll know what that, what to say. That's right. Has always worked for me. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:42:08 Uh, you know, the answer is in the stillness, right? Like that's what I believe that you have everything you could ever need to know inside you, if you're just brave enough to go in and look for it, you know? So Speaker 3 00:42:18 Yeah. I like that answers in the stillness. Speaker 2 00:42:22 Let me ask you, as we kind of ramped down towards the end of the episode, I, I realized when you and I were sitting together that I have such a lack of knowledge around, um, uh, well, I mean, native American culture in general, but like, especially what interests me at this point in my life is native American spirituality. And so, um, I'm gonna, I'm going to ask a question and you may not be prepared to answer this, so please feel free. Uh, but do you have any resources that you might recommend if there is a listener who's interested in learning more about, uh, understanding that there are dozens and dozens and dozens of different, uh, perspectives within just the American native American spirituality. Right. But do you have any resources that you'd recommend for people who want to learn more about some of those unique journeys? Speaker 3 00:43:19 Yeah. I get to ask this question from time to time. And, um, my response is that wherever you are, whoever is hearing this, as we're talking on this podcast, wherever you are, there is a resource. Um, and if your heart is, I don't want to say true or sure, I'm sure it is, but if it's a really meant for you to be, you will find what you need to find. You know, the old teacher, I mean, the old thing is like, when this, um, the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And that's basically how it works. Uh, every, you know, tribe, uh, different parts of the country are different. Yeah. And, uh, if you're meant to, if you see someone someplace who looks native and you feel drawn to them, just go up to them and introduce yourself, say hello, and just become friends with them. Speaker 3 00:44:21 And then listen, get to know them. Don't jump in first and say, well, I wouldn't learn about native spirituality because, you know, there's a lot of what we call, um, want to be Indians and a new H Indians, which we get, it's a big turnoff. So, so if you're real sincere about it, then get to know one-on-one a person. And I would say pray first, because once you put it into the universe, uh, the universe will respond. It'll connect you with the right person that you're meant to be taught by the things you need to know. And, um, because I mean, there's all kinds of, I mean, you can go and find books on native American spirituality. I mean, go on Amazon and do that, but it's all words. And it's more than just words or knowledge it's experience. It's, it's a one-on-one experience with other human beings. That's what you're really asking is for that connection to something you feel drawn to. I, I, I meet people all the time. We ever felt drawn to native American culture. And, um, I watched him, I watched him actually, you know, go and go to a powwow, go to a sweat lodge, go to Sundance, make friends with other native people. And, uh, they achieve what they want to achieve. There's a lot of work to be done. W w Greg gladly have you, if your heart is in the right place. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:46:06 Yeah. That's very rich. Good. Thank you, Marlin. I'm so grateful that you, uh, uh, came and shared some of your experiences with us today and, and opened open the, just open the book of Marlon up a little bit for us to read a few lines and yeah. And, and I'll tell you, uh, if any listeners have any questions, just email them to me, Johnny J O H N N [email protected] and I can get them tomorrow and I can get you an answer. And, uh, yeah. So with that model that I just want to again, say, thank you so much for coming on the show. Speaker 3 00:46:44 I will say, uh, I don't know if it's jumping over you, but, um, I'm on Facebook. So Martin Fixico just do a search for Marlin fix. Scott you'll find me. I've been on there for many, many years. Okay, Speaker 2 00:46:59 Perfect. I will link that on the podcast notes then for anyone who opens their app and sees that perfect. All right, my friend, well enjoy the rest of your day. I'm sending you so much love and might. And, uh, you know, as always everyone remember to be good to each other and aim your light, take care. You have been listening to refractive podcast, and this is Johnny G. If you've enjoyed today's episode, do me a favor, give it a share on social media, or if you're in the podcast app, give it a rating. If you're on YouTube click, like it really does make a difference in the search results. I am a speaker, coach and facilitator based in Washington, DC, but I work in person and remotely with people who are ready to step with clarity into their most authentic life. If I can be of service, reach out to me, Johnny J O H N N [email protected] have an amazing day. Be good to each other and always remember aim your light.